Deployment Day

Deployemnt Day #7 has come and gone.

It was not a day I was looking forward to for many reasons.

I have done many deployments over the years. I have always worked and we did not have kids. People always say that a deployment with kids is easier than one without. People say you have the kids to get you through the tough times.

I am very thankful to my dear friend Christina C for taking some family pictures before Sean left. She has such a great talent.

I am determined to make this deployment the best it can be. Sean will be missing many things over this deployment

*Thankgiving*

*The twins 3rd birthday*

*Christmas*

*Our 10yr wedding anniversary*

*Valentines Day*

*Easter*

and many other things.

I will be making each holiday and celebration the best it can be for the kids and myself

We will not be going home to FL for the holidays or anytime after that.

So all you family and friends buy your tickets and pack your bags to come see us

This is my all time favorite deployment day picture (Thanks Christina C for being there)

The kids were able to give daddy one last hug and kiss before he had to load up and drive off.

I was holding it all in very well until I heard Gabby say... "Daddy don't go, come home with me" It broke my heart.

She has asked more about daddy and where he is than Jerome has. I know Jerome loves and cares but don't think he has that cognitive recognition that Gabby has achieved.

While I belive that is true it is also hard to explain to a 2 year old that sees daddy's truck in the drive way that daddy isn't coming home for a while.

I was able to give one final kiss goodbye before he headed off to the trucks

As for me I am handling it really well and it hasn't really hit me yet. I am sure in a week or so it will finally sink in that he is really gone and not just on another workup.

I am giving myself a guilt free week this week then next Monday it is on full force.

Last night I took all my measurements and weighed myself. I have the piece of paper in our bathroom so I can see it every morning as my reminder.

I have set a goal of loosing 40lbs by June 1. I know I can do it.

Plus blogging about it and having it out in the open and people to keep me accountable will only keep me focused and reach that goal.



Happy Mothers Day

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!

Being a mother was something that I always wanted to do. Never in a million years did I think it would take so long with so many treatments to get there.

On Friday morning in late July 2008 before I was to leave to go to Florida for a bridal shower I took a test. When I got that postive pregnancy test my heart sank and I ran to Sean. I knew it was a possibility since we were in treatments but I still didn't believe it.

We had our follow up appt a few weeks later. Laying on the tabel for our ultrasound I will never forget the word from Dr W. He said are you sure you are ready... Here is baby A, here is baby B, and what to looks like Baby C(which wasn't developing)

I cried I was just hoping for one and now I was being blessed with 2. I called my mom on the way home and said mom remember how you said you buy the crib for us? She said yes. I said well now you are gonna have to buy 2. 

Everything was going great in the pregnancy all appts looked great I was gaining like I should. I went in for the routine18/20 week anatomy ultrasound and found my cervix to be short. I was sent to meet my Dr in her office to discuss my options. We talked and determined that a cerclage would be needed to keep my cervix closed and I would be placed on bedrest until it was time for delivery.

I gave notice at work and proceed to lay on my back and do nothing to keep my babies the safest in the world and cause no harm. 

On a Sunday afternoon at 24 weeks 6 day my water broke and I rushed to the NH here on Camp Pendleton. It was determined they could not help so they rushed me to Balboa. I spent the night in labor & delivery only to deliver my sweet babies the following morning

Gabrielle at 6 days old

Jerome 1 week old

My sweet little babies entered this world at 1104am & 1106am on Dec 22, 2008.

My world was turned upside down in both a good and bad way.

Gabby had her 9 min meeting with the angels above. (this information is something I learned quite a while after birth) I am not sure that in the beginning if it would have been something I would have been able to handle emtionally. 

On Jan 13,2008 I was able to hold Gabby for the first time. My mom had been with us since they were 5 days old. I was able to hold Gabby on the day she was leaving. It was such a great feeling being able to hold my child for the very first. Something that many moms take for granted. 

Jerome recived heart surgery at 6 days old inorder to save his life. He was too sick to be moved to the OR so they brough the OR to him. The NICU was cleared from all visitors and prepped for surgery. I felt so guilty that he needed such a life saving surgery(this was the first of many guilts that I have laid on myself) . he did well and was starting his journey to becoming the amazing little boy he is today.

Finally after 28 days I was able to hold Jerome for the first time. The dr's were not sure he was ready but thanks to am amazing nurse she pushed the issue and my heart filled with excitment.

I can not even begin to say all the emotions that have a child means to a mom. all I ever wanted to be was a good/successful mom. I have often blaimed myself for all the issues the kids have. I know deep down that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. It was in Gods hands and the ife he wanted us to have he has given us.

2 1/2 years later my heart is filled with more joy than I could have ever imagine. I can not picture my life without the kids. There are days when I want to be a working woman  and help provide for my family but I am doing just that. I may not be paid with money but I am paid with something that money can never buy. Happiness and unconditional love.

My mom has taught me the greatest lessons in life. You are who want to be by the choices you make. If you don't like things then you are the one who has to make the sacrifices and start changing.

I love my mom with all my heart and I wish I was able to spend more time with her.

To all the moms out here. Happy Mothers Day



 

March For Babies

Why does March for Babies matter so much.

When you walk in March for Babies, you give hope to the more than half a million babies born too soon each year. The money you raise supports programs in your community that help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. And it funds research to find answers to the problems that threaten our babies. We’ve been walking since 1970 and have raised an incredible $2 billion to benefit all babies.

(http://www.marchforbabies.org/)

As you all know I was blessed with twins who were born at exactly 25 weeks to the day. Both weighing 1 lb 10oz and smaller than a sheet of paper. Gabby spent the first 9 min of her life having a meeting with the angels above before she decided that she wanted to stick around and be a part of our life. One that I could not image without her. Jerome had heart surgery at a week only where the OR was brought to hime since he was too sick to be moved.  We sepent countless months in the NICU with them. and after almost 4 1/2 month we  finally left on our journey to become a family at home.

I have met some amazing friends through our journey with the twins and with the nurses and dr that were jsut doing a job that saved the kids. I can never thank them enough.

We are very lucky to have such healthy babies considering the start of their life many are not so lucky.

I was unable to walk in the walk down in San Diego on April 30, 2011 so I am walking this Saturday May 7, 2011 here in Oceanside. It does not cost anything to walk only your heart and passion to help further research so many more babies can be saved.

You can donate anytime you wish this this wonderful organization

www.marchforbabies.org/lpk29

Making Hot Pockets

While mom is here we made 2 batches for the freezer. A Meat & Veggies and a Pastrami & Cheese

 These take a couple of hours from start to finish to make, but they can be frozen and will a quick easy meal to have on hand

Make sure you use at least a 5qt bowl as it will make a huge batch of dough. I use my big Kitchen Aid mixer with the bowl lift. When making these I roughly get about 30-35 good size hot pockets out it.
Dough Ingredients:
9 cups flour
4 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
4 1/2 tsp. yeast
1 1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 cup water
1 tsp. salt
2 sticks melted butter

Put 9 cups flour in a large bowl, make a well in the center.

In a separate bowl beat 4 eggs, than add 1/2 cup sugar and 4 1/2 tsp. yeast.

In another bowl, scald 1 1/2 cups milk in microwave for 3 minutes. Then
add 1 1/2 cups water. Add this mixture to the egg mixture. Stir in 1
tsp. salt. Mix all ingredients well

Pour this mixture into the well of flour in the large bowl. Do not stir. Put lid on and let sit for 45 minutes.

After 45 minutes, add 2 sticks of melted butter and mix well.

Cover and let sit for 1 hour.

Now that your dough is made you are ready to make hot pockets.

This is what the dough looks like when it is ready 

Here is a step by step with the Pastrami & Cheese

Ingredients are

Pastrami cubed up

Shredded Cheese

Ragu Cheese Sauce

Flour your surface you are going to use. I use a cutting board

Pull off the size of a base ball and roll in flour

Roll out and fill with ingredients. I make sure to put the sauce on top of all ingredients then put shredded cheese on top. This prevents to bottom from getting soggy

Fill onto one side so you can fold it over

 Fold to one side to get ready for the oven

Bake for 20 min at 350 when done cool on rack then place in a quart freezer ziploc bag

Here is what we made today

 Meats & Veggies

Mushrooms $1.79

Green Pepper $1.09

Pepperoni 2 pkgs @ $1.49

1 lb ground sausage @1.99

Spaghetti Sauce $2.00

Pastrami & Cheese

Pastrami 1.5lb loaf I diced $2.86

Cheese Sauce $1.49

2.5lb shredded cheese from Costco $5.99

Total for 75 Hot Pockets was $20.16

Makes you really think.

I was working on a project for school and came across this. It hits home so well that I want to share

Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit1.php

Where I have I been you might have wondered

Learning to make me a priority.

Some might read that and think ok she is crazy or getting there very quickly. She has 2 yr old twins how in the world is that going to happen??

I spend 4 days a week sitting in a hospital waiting room while the kids have therapy. Combine it with several dr appts a week, getting Gabby's glasses adjusted, and going back to school. I don't know when or how it popped into my head that I needed to be me first. But it just clicked oneday.

I am back to walking everday and will eventually get to running and complete my personal goal of a Half Marathon.

Cooking bas become a great passion again. For those that are having a hard time with that statement. Yes I went on a strike and didn't prepare or think out many meals we just went with whatever was quick and easy.

The kids are my world and while I know I will bend over backwards to do anything for them. I can't very well do that if I am not taking care of me. Taking care of me means so many things. But I have learned that first and foremost a

Happy, engerized, feeling good mommy is much better than a Mean, fustrated tired mommy.

Making some changes

I am sure everyone that has been following this blog has wondered... what happened to the 30 day project she was doing and where has she been???

Well I have decided to take a much needed break from things that were calling me in every direction and focus on me.

I am taking a month off from school to get me back. I have been so focused on determined on making everyone else happy and taking care of them that I had let myself slip away. The best way to be a better me is to do just take take care of me first and foremost.

I have made and will be making some major changes in life. I have not been happy with myself in a very long in many directions. I am setting out to change my ways.

I booked and paid for professional family photos to be take Fathers Day Weekend somewhere on location down in San Diego. I just have to figure out where to have them done. By doing this I want to drop 30 lbs by the time photos are taken. This give me 3 1/2 months to do so. It is not an unrealistic goal just one that I have to keep busy and keep my mind determined to move with it.

So please anyone and everyone please ask me how I am doing. I want to be held accountable so I will keep on track and not chicken out and cancel and just give up like I normally do.

Cinnamon Doughnut Muffins

Cinnamon Doughnut Muffins

I made these yesterday for Sean to take work. I forgot to take a picture but just imagine a cinnamon sugar doughnut from your fav doughnut place in the shape of a muffin

This recipe will make 12 muffins

1-3/4 cups all purpose flour

1-1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1/4 tsp ground cinnamon

3/4 cup sugar

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1 egg lightly beaten

3/4 cup milk

Jam of your choice

Topping

1/4 cup butter melted

1/3 cup sugar

1 tsp ground cinnamon

In a large bowl combing flour, baking powder, salt nutmeg and cinnamon. In another bowl combine the sugar, oil, egg, and milk. Stir into dry ingredients just until moist

Fill well greased muffin tin 1/4-1/2 half full of batter and place 1 tsp of Jam on top. Cover completely with batter but no more than 3/4 full on the muffin tin as they will rise

Bake a t 350 for 20 min

Place melted butter in a small bowl. In another bowl combine sugar and cinnamon. Immediately after removing from oven dip tops of muffin in butter then sugar mixture.

Life and the many changes

Many people will read this and wonder what is going on and how they can help. That answer is up to the person and how they feel they can help the best. Over the past few months I have been dealing with issues and looking back on the birth of the twins. I have finally realized that I never truly dealt with the birth and the tragic events that surrounded them.

The most heart wrenching part that I have not shared with many is that Gabby was just about to be coded before her heart finally started beating. She laid on the table in the OR fighting for her life for 9 minutes with no oxygen or a heartbeat. They did everything they could possibly do and it was up to her. Since then she has been a fighter in so many ways. To look at her today no one would ever know what a fight she started out in life. 

I still struggle on a daily basis wondering what "I did wrong" that caused them to be born so early. The quesitons that I go through my head all the time

 Maybe I should not have gotten up and taken that shower that morning.

Maybe I should not have gone to the grocery store the day before.
Should I have laid down all day and not sat in the recliner that day.

 

I want to be a better mother and wife to my family. There are days when I struggle the most to figure out how to do that. Sure people will tell me that I am doing awesome but unless you feel it inside there is no point in hearing it all the time.

I am cutting back on facebook and the amount of time that is spent online for may reason. Mostly so I can focus on "me" and how I can get better in life.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

This is a picture of the very last moments we were in the NICU.

Gabby had spent just over 3 months and Jerome was over 4 months. I will never forget this day as I was in shock with the thoughts of our NICU nightmare was finally over.

We finally were able to begin our family with the 4 of us in our own HOME



Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 04 - A picture of your night

This is how I spend my evening most nights after the kids are in bed.

Working on homework while Sean plays a video game.

Not every night is like but most of them are.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

My favorite show has to be Big Bang Theory

This show cracks me up every single time it is on. I can be in the worst of moods and this will often change it.



Day 02 - A Picture of You and the Person You have been Closest with the Longest.

Day 02 - A Picture of You and the Person You have been Closest with the Longest.

I do not have any of my old pictures with me on this computer so I will have to update at a later date.

There are several people that I have become closet to over the years but not necessarily the longest. As I moved from my hometown I learned very quickly who those true friends where. Just as I learned during the hardest times in life who they were as well.

One person that I know I can count on anytime to hear me vent to just to see how our days were is Kim Kilroy. She has been a major rock in my life these last few years and just gets the simple things in life. We have known each other just a few short years but it feels like a lifetime

Making Hot Pockets

These Homemade Pockets are a great “Baking Day” project. Take the time to make these on an afternoon or morning while you will be home. These take a couple of hours from start to finish to make, but they can be frozen and will a quick easy meal to have on hand

Make sure you use at least a 6qt bowl as it will make a huge batch of dough. I use my big Kitchen Aid mixer with the bowl lift. When making these I roughly get about 30-35 good size hot pockets out it.
Dough Ingredients:
9 cups flour
4 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
4 1/2 tsp. yeast
1 1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 cup water
1 tsp. salt
2 sticks melted butter

Put 9 cups flour in a large bowl, make a well in the center.

In a separate bowl beat 4 eggs, than add 1/2 cup sugar and 4 1/2 tsp. yeast.

In another bowl, scald 1 1/2 cups milk in microwave for 3 minutes. Then
add 1 1/2 cups water. Add this mixture to the egg mixture. Stir in 1
tsp. salt. Mix all ingredients well

Pour this mixture into the well of flour in the large bowl. Do not stir. Put lid on and let sit for 45 minutes.

After 45 minutes, add 2 sticks of melted butter and mix well.

Cover and let sit for 1 hour. Now that your dough is made you are ready to make hot pockets.

You can fill them with anything you like. I have done the following
Breakfast(egg, sausage, peppers, onions, salsa cheese
Lunch/Dinner ones- Meat lovers, chicken alfredo, supreme

Sour Cream Pound Cake

This recipe is one of my great great grandmothers and has been passed down through the family. I wanted to share with those of you following me

1 cup butter

3 cups sugar

3 cups plain AP Flour

6 large eggs

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sour cream

1 tsp vanilla extract

Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs 1 at a time. Sift flour, salt, & baking soda together and slowly add to cream mixture. Add sour cream and vanilla. Mix well.

Place in a well greased bundt pan for 45-1 hr at 325

You can even use small loaf pans if you wish. 

Day 1

Day One
A Picture of Yourself with 15 facts.

1. I am currently working on my 2nd Masters Degree

2. Cooking is one of my biggest passions in life. 

3. I am on the Family Council for March for Babies in San Diego.

4. I had never been west of MS before marrying Sean and moving 3000 miles away from home

5. I have learned more about myself in the these last 2 years than I ever thought I could

6. I met Sean online while he was stationed in Okinawa. (thanks to Michelle who dared me to make an online dating profile)

7. I packed up my car and was headed to Camp LeJeune NC to meet him for the 1st time but flipped and totaled  my car on I-65 3 hrs from home. Then had to call my parents to come get me. Mind you they had no idea that I had even left town.

8. My children were born extremely premature and to this day I often wonder what I could have done differently.

9. Sean will be leaving soon for another deployemnt which makes me nervous esp since we have the kids on this one

10. I have been blessed to meet some of the greatest people in life

11. I have a slight addiction to cookbooks. I am currently close to 100 in the house

12. I miss my grandfather like crazy. 

13. Looking forward to completing many goal that I have set for myself this year

14. I never thought I would get into blogging but after several friends suggesting I would be good at it I am giving it a try

15. I have been happily married for 9 years and have 2 wonderful children and I could not ask for anything better life 

30 Day Project Day by Day

30 Day Project

Please join me as I work my way through this fun project

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with 15 facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Baked Buffalo Wings

Baked Buffalo Wings

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

20 chicken wings

1/2 cup melted butter

1/2 cup hot sauce

Directions

1.      Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and lightly grease with cooking spray. Place the flour, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, and salt into something that you can shake the wings in like a Ziploc bag or paperbag, and shake to mix. Add the chicken wings, seal, and toss until well coated with the flour mixture. Place the wings onto the prepared baking sheet, and place into the refrigerator. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.

2.      Preheat oven to 400 degrees F

3.      Whisk together the melted butter and hot sauce in a small bowl. Dip the wings into the butter mixture, and place back on the baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven until the chicken is no longer pink in the center, and crispy on the outside, about 45 minutes. Turn the wings over halfway during cooking so they cook evenly.

Cajun Chicken Lasanga

Cajun Chicken Lasagna

1 package lasagna noodles ( or you can cheat and use the no boil noodles.

1 pound sausage, quartered lengthwise and sliced

1 pound chicken cut into chunks

2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper

1 tablespoon finely chopped garlic

2 (10 ounce) containers Alfredo Sauce

1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350  degrees. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta, and cook for 8 to 10 minutes, or until al dente; drain.

2. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, combine sausage, chicken, Cajun seasoning and sage. Cook until chicken is no longer pink and juices run clear, about 8 minutes. Remove meat from skillet with a slotted spoon, and set aside. Saute onion,  bell pepper and garlic until tender. Remove from heat, and stir in cooked meat and one container Alfredo sauce.

3. Lightly grease a 9x13 inch baking dish. Cover bottom with lasagna noodles. Spread with 1/2 of the meat mixture. Repeat layers, and cover with a layer of noodles. Spread remaining Alfredo sauce over top. Top with mozzarella cheese and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 45min-1 hour. Let stand about15 minutes before serving.